last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
