i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
