I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
