the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
