so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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