all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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