last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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