I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The Olympian is in my bed
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
