Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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