Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
