He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
