i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
