He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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