eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
