I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Two words: blizzard sex
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
