so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
