dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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