i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you would pick up someone in the library
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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