I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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