I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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