ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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