She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
