I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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