she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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