Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
