The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
