I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
