Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
