He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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