Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
