When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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