Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
