I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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