My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
