i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
