he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
