what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
