Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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