Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
