I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
