Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
