Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
