I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
