you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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