i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
