So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
