Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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