Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
