he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
