Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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