I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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