the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you would pick up someone in the library
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
