He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
