forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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