Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
